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3/29/2012

Go Quiet


I wake up every day knowing I won’t find happiness. 
I keep and open mind and my mouth shut.

I feel as if I’m about to go to prison.
I wish time could stop.
I wish I actually had time to get used to everything.

I wish I could live my life in cafés, sipping on the bitter liquid, postponing a drag and talking to people. If life inside a university taught me anything, it certainly taught me sharing my opinions and thoughts on different aspects of art. I told a friend I should become a life counselor – I hand out good advice, I’m a mess when it comes to my own existence.

The feelings, the experiences, the images, people, they will all become, with time - once they become part of the past - censored material, pretty memories. Life becomes a projection, within its temporal boundaries.

I hate to go back in time and admit I was once wrong. This is why, with every event in my life, I try to imagine it was probably for the best, imagine the good action it could bring.  If everything changes at some point, at least I know I once had depth.

I used to be in love – now I’m cynical.
Exit the wise, enter the wild. Or viceversa. 

                                                                            photo credit: Cristina Matei

3/15/2012

Rebelling Wives

                                                                    Melancholia - Lars von Trier, 2011

                                                   Marie Antoinette - Sofia Ford Coppola, 2006

                                                    Nunta de piatra - Dan Pita (part.II), 1973


Tristesse globale.
Lust for life or death.
Signs. Apocalypse.
Too much. Too little. Too late.

1/30/2012

Cultural Encounters. Or How to Handle Being Snowed - In Bucharest Version.


Exams. Going to school every day and spending most of it there. Feeling the high school air linger through the desks. Bad cheating. Subjects you would write papers on but you only have half the page for space. The laziness of borrowing another sheet of paper.

On the other hand, SNOW. A lot of it, all of a sudden. Practically the first snow of the winter. Closed the hidden path that takes us all home for the weekend. Frost. Blizzard. Yum. But how were three students supposed to handle this?


Thursday night. Bulandra Theatre. Crossing the street from the subway to the theatre was totally worth it. In a really cold, but wonderful hall the three of us witnessed ‘Endgame’, a play written by Samuel Beckett, in the Theatre of the Absurd style. From the characters’ dialogues, shouts, monologues to their costumes and the play’s art direction everything was more depressing than absurd, but majestic at the same time. Seeing a favorite actor of mine (Razvan Vasilescu) play on a stage instead of on a screen was a revelation. I had visions of Oblomov, Kin Dza-Dza and the Irish interiors depicted in ‘Angela’s Ashes’ throughout the entire play. I left the theatre to face the blizzard feeling resuscitated from a long sleep. My own private sleep of reason, of conscience.


Friday night. The National Theatre. It was only two of us left to face the cold and glass ice covered by misleading snow. As you know, in times of blizzard, you just take the subway. So we walked from the subway through the small park at the University’s Place, passing the crowd (a 100 people max) who was still annoyingly shouting antigovernment phrases. It wasn’t like I didn’t care about them, I just wanted to be inside and see the one play I had been waiting to see since it’s premiere in 2010 – ‘The Avalanche’, written by Tuncer Cücenoğlu and directed by Radu Afrim, a young but creative director, famous all over Europe for his controversial plays (München loves him). With surreal images, the set was a wonderful warm white, with touches of gray. The story is about a village who takes a lot of precaution measure to avoid an avalanche which would kill everyone – the ceiling is all lace, the chairs and tables are also covered in it, the doors and floor are covered in fur, women give birth taking into account the snow. Everyone whispers. The echo is dangerous and the atmosphere is almost magnetic, sick, heavy. I think I clapped for ten minutes straight. On the way home we were both just high, pumped, talking only about the play and how we would go see it again.


Saturday night. The Jewish State Theatre. Four people walk towards the theater until they can’t even feel the skin on their faces anymore. When you can’t raise your eyebrows, it’s too cold. We enter an intimate small theatre, the smell of fresh coffee imprinted the walls. They hand us headsets for translation. This was the first shock of the night. Yiddish…This building was actually the first Jewish Theatre in the world so that place has a special meaning. We walked into a small beige room, where the walls have small golden flower patterns coming down on the walls. The smell of heavy seats and silent walls – ‘It smells like communism in here’. We plug in and watch a sweetened version of ‘King Lear’ where the themes are moved into a Jewish context, and the emphasis is on the decay of the family and its small dramas. Another pleasant surprise, except for the intonation of the woman who was translating.


Exams. Snow. Theatre for three days in a row. Hot coffee. A beer. Some loud music. And we go back to studying. And getting on with our lazy lives. And promise to have pleasant surprises again soon within a theatre’s walls.

Stay open. Allow mesmerizing. 



12/24/2011

When I Look

Nobody knows what I’ve been,
                          where I’ve been,
                          who I’ve been.


I have feathers hanging off of my ears, blonde locks of hair but no fairy tales. I love children’s books and fairy tales. I’ve made a habit of picking them up in libraries.
Soundtracks are the type of music that would put me in a happy mood and for some reason, make me think of Christmas. I walk through my home town and make people say August when what they actually mean is January. Thank you.
I had my curtains pulled to the right (left?) for the most part of the day and a mess in my room. But when I walked to the window to close them I saw three little boys watching me. I was reading in my bed covered in multiple layers (onion?) the entire time. Wave, smile and close.
Green tea makes me hungry and Earl Grey reminds me of 34A, September 2010. Soon 2012. When and where does time fly (to)?
I’m a dreamer
       a traveler
       a searcher
       a questioner
       an artist
       a balance seeker
       a help
       an onion
       a vertigo.

I miss people I’ve barely met. Or never met. I love music when shouted into empty spaces. Such as Kings of Leon’s  ‘Closer’. I dream of you every night. I make promises and keep them. New Year’s resolution – to watch all of Akira Kurosawa’s movies (as a director).

I see. Immensely.  

11/23/2011

A Crooked Portrait


She gets out of the bathroom, moving uncoordinatedly, but smoothly from left to right, from the bathroom to towards the couch; she throws herself in a slow motion movement on the couch, with a shallow spin, almost without weight.
Her eyes are humid, tears showing up, the effort, the tension, the pressure from the back of her neck, all of these make her wish this day didn’t have a beginning. Alcohol and syrup, a dizzy hangover after a few hours’ sleep, kidnapped from what belonged to the night.

The moon shaped tattoo on her foot gravitates around her birthmark. It’s almost tied to a handmade anklet, violently colored. The loose snowflake pattern trousers are a bit too purple for the white and green stripped t-shirt. Her nose pierce sparkles infinitely less than her red eyes.

Her left arm is left behind on a cushion even after she gets up and rushes towards the bathroom again, towards the door that bears a ‘Do Not Slam The Door’ sign. 



7/11/2011

Smell My Memories

In a strange house, shortly after stepping inside the room, vaguely knowing the host, I discovered in a bottom cabinet. At some point in my life, it just happened that I opened a jar. You open it and, as an instinct, try to smell inside of it. You will then feel a smell of food. Which arrived - or better - stayed there from past times. No matter how well that jar had been washed in the beginning, once closed the glass will send out all of the flavor it was keeping for itself.
After stepping inside my freshly rented apartment, i started to check it out and opened some drawers and some cabinets. I took out a 400gr jar, with a red-orange cover. The tempting smell of baked red peppers came out, from across time. I mentally said hello to the grandma that cooked them and put them inside the jar. I was happy to smell the flavor of some food from the 90s, sitting on some plate near an audacious high school student, wearing a white ribbon in her hair, and a blue uniform.
The smell is the universal sense, the one that spills the jar of memories.